Written during the first year developing the Healing Arts Method alongside Project Rescue in South Asia. March 2007

Yesterday—the first day at the Project Rescue home—was a dismal and complete failure, and only resulting in hopelessness on my part.

The day ended with me bawling in Naomi’s living room, telling her I have no skill, no gameplan and no hope to work with these girls, even though they truly are the REASON, THE girls that I joined Project Rescue for. And that I had come this far to end up a useless failure. She warned me that it WAS going to be a serious challenge to convince them to open up… so I had to start asking myself, What is my real goal? What does God really want to do here through me? What can I ask of Him to do through me in these girls lives… there is a dire need, a sense of hopelessness and desperation… so what is that need? How can I ask the Lord to show it to me, and to respond tangibly to that need during my interaction with the girls? The first step, I knew, must be to pray for relationship with the girls, for us to build trust and a connection. Naomi-didi suggested that I throw out any possible gameplan I might have used before, and be sensitive to God’s spirit. Start afresh and maybe JUST dance (that’s all they want to do). I prayed in such desperation last night, and quoted Hebrews 4.16 to myself over and over… I decided to walk slowly today, to be sensitive, to try to discern the Lord’s voice. I knew Jesus needed to move on these girls in His powerful grace in order for anything to happen.

At long last. Today the girls warmed up a bit. I did a simple writing project—and although translation did not go as smoothly as I would have liked and there was some minor confusion—I turned the project into an affirmation circle, where instead of listing qualities that described themselves, they told one another the qualities they saw… they even affirmed (though rather reservedly) the girl who has caused the most stress and fear in the home for the past few months. She has had twenty demons cast out of her since October and they all are afraid to sleep due to fear of her. She sleeps in a bedroom with six other girls, and the others sleep in a huddle on the other side of the room from her—safety in number, I would imagine. I deeply respected their noble effort to affirm her with things like, “You are very good in your studies”.

So the writing went ok. I could sense a grace as the girls warmed up. I could sense that they were truly hungry to experience this. After the writing project we took a few hours off while some did chores and prepared dinner, and some of us watched “Honey I Shrunk the Kids”—I go to India to see American 80s movies I haven’t seen in ages—go figure. THEN I started them on some basic ballet, and they ate it up!!! I showed them pictures of the New York Ballet Co. members dancing, and they said, “Didi, can you show us how to do that?!” So, in a very simple way we started some dance moves and in half an hour I was showing them the most simple part of the dance I’ve choreographed for the other homes… They were SO focused and tried so hard. I think Naomi-didi was right, that I might produce more growth and expression through movement than through writing. In fact, I think I’m going to move into some improv movement and dance therapy techniques that I haven’t dared to try so far. These are the types of activities that would be heavily resisted by trauma survivors in the Midwest, but are proving to be the most comfortable and the safest thing to try in South Asia.

And I’m struck once again by how small my box is and how creative God as He shows His heart for these girls through modalities which are still new and uncomfortable for me.